The BOWA Blog

Stop Assuming

by Bert Oliva

How often do you assume? How often do you think people are thinking one thing when they are actually thinking another?

So much of our lives are spent reacting to what we think others are doing and their motives for doing it, when in actuality they are totally oblivious to what it is they are doing.

The best way to solve this communication error is to simply ask. Ask someone. Do not react, but act.

Do not come at them from a blaming or accusatory attitude. When we come from a defensive place, we are only met with defensiveness and blame.

Simply come from honesty. When we come from an open heart and an honest place, most people will return those emotions. And we will all have clarity.

So, stop assuming. Just ask.

Live Life,
Bert Oliva

Are You Lying to Yourself?

by Bert Oliva

How is what you’re doing working for you? Think about it. Where are you spending most of your time? What are the things you are doing most often? How is this working for you?

Be honest. Is it working? Or are you doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results? That is what Einstein called a form of insanity.

Many of us want different and/or better things in our lives, but we do not want to change what we are doing in our lives in order to achieve these things. We tend to look at our current habits and actions and think they are working for us. We actually lie to ourselves because it is easier to keep the status quo and stay with the familiar than to venture out into the unknown.

This is human nature; however, if you want different things in your life, now is the time for you to take a step back and truly look at what you have been doing and whether it is working for you.
If it hasn’t, then you have to change it. Now. Not tomorrow. Not next week or next month. Change it now. You need to change it now if you want results.

It is easy to say “Tomorrow. I will start tomorrow.” Yet, as we all know, tomorrow is not promised. You never know what is in store for you tomorrow. If you want to change something, the only time you can begin that change is right now, this very instant. If not, you will look back and before you know it, days, weeks, months, and even years will have gone by and you will be stuck in the same place doing the same things still expecting different results.

Do not waste the opportunity you have right now. Create that change today.

Live Life,
Bert Oliva

The 33% People Rule

by Bert Oliva

There is a rule known as the 33% of People Rule, which basically states that there are three levels of people you should have in your life. The first third are the ones who are “beneath” you. This is not a judgment call on you being “better” than others, but rather a judgment on where people are in their lives. Those who are in this first level do not have the same goals that you do, are not as motivated as you, etc. However, this first level is important because these are the people that keep you motivated, that make you feel good, and that tell you what you want to hear. This helps to feed your ego and keep you going, especially in the hard times.

The second third are those people who are at your same level. They are striving for similar goals and are in similar places in their lives. These are the people who you can go back and forth with about ideas and topics. These are the people that are pushing in the same direction you are and help to keep you pushing toward your goals.

The third level consists of those people who are “above” you. These the people who make you feel uncomfortable because they already have what you are striving for. They have the lifestyle you want, the relationships you want, etc. These are the people who you look up to and who you strive to be like. It is important that they make you feel uncomfortable because it is only outside our comfort zones that we grow.

Throughout our lives, as we grow, the people in these three levels change and grow with us. So many speakers, coaches, and books will tell you to leave your friends behind when you are working on a change within yourself. I completely disagree with this statement. If you haven’t been able to achieve what you want with the friends you have, what makes you think you’re going to be able to do it alone?

Do not change your friends. As you change, they will either evolve with you or they will leave you. And both options are okay. Remember, people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. And as you start to live by the 33% People Rule, you will actually become comfortable through this entire process as you continue to grow and focus on your new life, new career, and new way of living.

Live Life,
Bert Oliva

What Type of Habits Do You Have?

by Bert Oliva

Habits are the basis of all human nature. Truly. The way we learned to walk was trying again and again until we were able to do it and then eventually mastered it. It became a habit. The same can be said for learning to talk, riding a bike, or any of the other hundreds of things you do on a regular basis. Everything you do on a regular basis is a habit that you have perfected.

Now, the word “habit” is neither positive nor negative. We all have habits we consider good and we all have habits that we consider bad. However, both are created the same way in our brains—through consistent practice and repetition.

There is a quote that says something to the effect of, “Bad habits are easy to acquire and hard to break. However, good habits are hard to acquire and easy to break.” Truly, this phrase should be rewritten as “Old habits are easy to acquire and hard to break. New habits are hard to acquire and easy to break.” This is because the habits that have been ingrained in us for years have become part of our internal programming. Learning new habits, especially ones that counteract our older habits, takes a lot of discipline, determination, and dedication.

However, new habits can be formed. Studies have shown that it takes at least 21 days to change or create a habit. This is 21 consecutive days, including weekends and holidays. So whatever it is you want to change in your life, now is the time to start. Choose one habit that you want to create—one that is going to increase the quality of life you have today—and do it for the next 21 days. Start right now. Make today day one.

If you do this, 21 days from now you will see a shift that will become a positive part of your life.

Live Life,
Bert Oliva

Pride Full

by Bert Oliva

What comes to mind when you hear someone state the phrase, “I’m proud”? Do you feel happy for the person? Jealous? Do you think the person is arrogant or entitled?

Society has taught us that pride is not really a good thing. Oftentimes we immediately rush to judgment on someone who is proud and states it to the world.

However, pride—within moderation—is a necessity. To achieve anything in this world, you must take pride in yourself and do everything with pride. If you want the world to respect you and support you, you must be certain of who you are and for what you stand. Do not be embarrassed to share your message, goals, and dreams.

Have certainty in all that you do. It will not always be easy. And human nature tends to have us hide in the shadows till we feel truly successful. We don’t want to set ourselves up for failure. What if our efforts are for nothing? Isn’t it nicer for us to fail in the shadows where no one knows?

No. In Spanish we have a saying, “el que no llora no mama,” which literally means a baby that doesn’t cry will not eat. Basically, those who do not ask, will not get anything. To be truly successful, you need the support of others—your loved ones, your colleagues, your clients, the public. That support is what is going to make the difference and sky rocket you to your ultimate success. You must be vocal to get that support though.

Yes, your efforts may not be an utter success right away, but telling the world will push you to work that much harder on your efforts. And those who know what you are working toward will hold you accountable to what you have committed yourself. Foster pride and certainty within yourself. People will resonate with those feelings. You can not expect to grow and expand yourself if you are going to keep everything you want all to yourself.

Live Life,
Bert Oliva

Quote This:
“It’s a fine thing to rise above pride, but you must have pride in order to do so.” –Georges Bernanos

Who’s Leading Whom?

by Bert Oliva

We all want to be leaders. A leader of our community. A leader in our workplace. A thought leader. The idea of being a leader appeals to us psychologically because we want to be in control.

However, to truly be a great leader, we must first learn how to follow. No matter where you are in your life, there is someone whose example you can and should follow, even if it is just for a moment or two.

There are times when I follow my children’s leads and even my students’ leads. I consciously place myself in a follower role on a regular basis throughout my week. I enjoy being a follower. It gives you a new perspective and new ideas. Moreover, subconsciously speaking, when we allow ourselves to be a follower, we take off some of the invisible stress we place on ourselves when we are attempting to lead all the time. By removing this stress, we become more open-minded and creative.

There are five levels of leadership according to the Office of Personnel Management and the first one is self leadership. This means that you must first learn to lead yourself before you can be a leader at any of the other levels. Allowing yourself to be led by others whom you wish to be more like is a good step toward learning to lead yourself.

So, this week, I challenge you to find at least one person whom you can follow. Consciously put yourself in the follower role and see what lessons you learn and what ideas are cultivated.

Live Life,

Bert Oliva

Quote This:
“He who can not be a good follower can not be a good leader.” – Aristotle