The BOWA Blog

Bert Oliva

A Look At The End

by Bert Oliva

Today, I watched through my team member’s, Val’s, eyes, as she helped her ill grandmother have a fantastic time ballroom dancing. I saw her eyes tear up as her grandmother smiled and even though her Alzheimer’s riddled mind keeps her from remembering her granddaughter’s name half the time, her body remembered the dance steps that she used to dance with her late husband every weekend. The smile that lit up the almost 88-year-old woman was blinding. She had an amazing time.

While Val was thrilled to see her grandmother so happy, I also saw something much deeper and darker hit her too: fear and knowing. Fear of losing her beloved grandmother and knowing that this reality will happen only too soon. These emotions made the moments harder for Val, but I think she enjoyed them more because of how very deeply she felt the whole experience.

I know these emotions all too well with my late mother, but unfortunately I don’t feel that I took enough times to be with her before she passed, which is why I’ve pushed Val so hard to enjoy every possible moment she can with her grandmother.

It’s important for everyone to realize that nothing in life is permanent. Nothing is forever. And we should take absolutely nothing for granted. Especially those in our lives whom we love dearly.

I’m not saying anyone should focus on the negative, but I do think it’s vital that we realize the impermanence of everything in life so that we can appreciate every single moment we have to its fullest. We get so caught up in everyday busy-ness most of the time that we miss out on the true point of life—those magical memories with our loved ones.

Though it may be easier to avoid the hard moments by simply staying too busy to see that family member who’s ill, etc., it won’t make the final moment any easier. In fact, it will make it harder. Val has told me on numerous occasions that she’s grateful for all the extra time she’s been taking with her grandmother. That she knows, that in the end, she will have tons of beautiful memories to fall back on and hold close to her heart. And I do believe the one of her adorable grandmother doing the foxtrot with a jack-o-lantern grin on her face will be near the top of the list.

Live Life,

Bert Oliva

Leave A Comment →
24
SEP
0
Bert Oliva

Un-Comfort Zone

by Bert Oliva

So, I’m really uncomfortable. I mean, sincerely, uncomfortable right now. Why? Because I decided to switch my cell phone from an iPhone to an Android. Sounds silly right? Well, I must spend at least 70% of my work day on my phone. I use it for everything: email, motivational moments, writing, filming, research…it is my go-to tool for just about any task you give me. In fact, I’d have to say I’m way more comfortable on a phone than on a computer. And faster too.

Well, I used to be. That is, until I decided to turn my world upside down two weeks ago and switch operating systems. I’ve been an iPhone user since iPhone first came out; I loved the devices. I became so brand loyal that I “Apple-ized” my home and office; I switched out all the PC’s for macs, added Apple routers, even Apple TV’s. My life was easy because everything connected and worked well.

So, why would I decide to upset this sturdy foundation I had setup for myself by getting a different type of phone? Truly? I was intrigued. The Samsung Note was a phone I was interested in playing with since it first came out but I never had the guts to risk it. So I finally decided to take the plunge. The only way I was going to really figure out if I liked it or not was playing with it for a bit, so I did it.

And you know what? I love it. There are options I didn’t know were possible. The customization is next to none. It’s a lot of fun. And there some things it can do that my iPhone just couldn’t.

But, I’m still uncomfortable. I still haven’t found all the right apps for all of my work processes. I haven’t mastered the new steps it takes me to film a motivational moment or anything else. It all still feels very foreign to me at times. I have definitely found myself asking myself “Why on earth did I do this?” at my most frustrated moments.

I’m truly not sure if I will stick with Android or go back to iPhone, but I’m glad I decided to take the leap, even if it is temporarily. Pushing myself outside of my comfort zone has been a great exercise. It’s also forced me to research apps and make sure I am on top of all of the latest developments in my field. Had I not been pushed, I may have stayed stagnate.

This phone story may seem silly to you, but it can be applied to any aspect of our lives. Whenever we get too comfortable, we do not push ourselves to grow as much and begin to stagnate. I’m not saying go out and change your phone; all I’m saying is it’s good to “shake things up” a bit for yourself from time to time.

Live Life,

Bert Oliva

Leave A Comment →
23
SEP
0
Bert Oliva

Thank You

by Bert Oliva

When was the last time you felt grateful for something? I mean, truly grateful? To the point where you feel it in your gut? A moment of profound gratitude that hits you like a ton of bricks and you are just utterly humbled by and utterly thankful for something?

I had one of these moments today. I was not feeling my best and took it a little easy. My team and family rallied around me and took care of me. I am so unbelievably thankful for my life, family, and team. I am so grateful for the experiences I have had and where I am in my life today. I can not even fully express the gratitude I feel on paper.

I think one of the things that’s lacking in our society as a whole nowadays is gratitude. So many people feel entitled to things that they forget to be grateful. I do not believe this is something people have chosen to do consciously, but I do feel it is becoming an epidemic, especially in our younger generations. Perhaps it is technology and how quickly we are expected to respond to one another that we forget the everyday common courtesies that were so ingrained in my generation and the generations before me.

I’m truly not sure. I do know that I am working on instilling a sense of gratitude in my children. Teaching them to be thankful for everything that they have. Helping them to realize that nothing they have is a right; that everything they have truly is a privilege.

To be completely honest, I know that I fall into this lack of courtesy at times myself. There are times when I am too curt with people or lacking time to truly express gratitude to another person. However, how long does it take to say “Thank you” to another human being? A second or two? What are a couple of seconds out of our day to really acknowledge what someone else has done for us? And what may be a second or two for us may make all the difference in the other person’s day.

So, I want to take this moment and thank all of you. Thank you for taking the time to read my musings and for all of your feedback. Thank you for your support and your friendship. Thank you. You are all very important to me.

Live Life,
Bert Oliva

Leave A Comment →
22
SEP
0
Bert Oliva

I’m Not Perfect

by Bert Oliva

I lost my cool today. One person pushed my buttons all day today and I finally just bit back. There are tons of excuses I can make for myself and my diminished patience. Lack of sleep. A head cold that’s been plaguing me. The way the person was treating me all day. Etc.

But none of those excuses make me feel better about my behavior. Justifying my behavior does not make my behavior any better or any less demeaning. I was hurtful. And no matter what is happening around us, there is no reason for us to be hurtful.

Normally, I just take a step back and take some time away from a situation that is making me uncomfortable. I’m truly not sure why I did not tonight, but this experience is a good reminder to me that we always have more growth to do and that we are all human. No matter how much growth we do, there will be times when we lose our cool and when we are not proud of our behavior. The point of growth is to minimize these occasions though.

The point of growth is also to be able to look at a situation after the fact where you may not have behaved at your best and learn from it. What could you do differently? What were the events that happened—the triggers—that lead up to you losing your cool? Being able to analyze a situation and find what lead up to your behavior will help keep you from doing it again.

Another aspect of growth is not beating yourself up over past mistakes. Yes, I let a situation get the best of me today, but what can be accomplished from me sitting here berating myself for hours after the fact? Isn’t it much more productive to just admit that you had a misstep and review what happened so that you can avoid it in the future? That’s what I believe.

I believe that life is about learning from your missteps, and growing and changing. I believe it is not about being perfect, but rather being willing to admit that you are imperfect. Being able to see where you want to get to, not just with your career or family, but personally. Deciding the type of person you want to be in your life and figuring out a path to get there. Taking the time to take hard looks at your own behavior, admitting when you don’t like what you see, and making the appropriate choices and taking the steps to change it.

So, who do you want to be?

Live Life,
Bert Oliva

Leave A Comment →
21
SEP
0
Bert Oliva

One Of Those Days…

by Bert Oliva

So my day today was not an easy one, but during a moment of reflection today, I started thinking about my blog post from yesterday, in which I started out with the line, “Ever have one of those days?”

Why is it that that phrase is automatically negative? Why is it that when someone asks you that question, your mind races toward the worst day you’ve ever had? Why can’t we ever have “one of those happy, awesome, fantastic days”? Why is it so ingrained in us to thing negatively?

Researchers have found that 80% of our daily thoughts are negative. That’s about 45,000 negative thoughts per day. These are known as Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) because most of these thoughts happen without us fully being aware of them. Our brains also process negative thoughts differently than positive ones; negative feelings tend to involve more thought processing. Studies have also shown that psychologically speaking, most people view negative people as being smarter.

So, just why are we so prone to think about the negative? Is it human nature or something we’ve been conditioned to do over time thanks to society? Many researchers believe that this Negativity Bias comes from our evolution. They believe we tend to think pessimistically because it ensures our survival; the more scared we are to do things, the less likely we are to get hurt.

Though, I venture to argue the opposite. The more scared we are to do things, the less likely we are to take chances and grow and succeed. Nothing is accomplished by sitting around worrying all of the time about things that have not happened but could possibly happen. Whether you believe your future is set or not, you must agree that the only time we can actually work in is now—the past is behind us and our future has not happened—it is only our present that is available. And if we spend our present focusing on the negative, we will never get anywhere.

I challenge you to go out and change this. Look for the positive in every single situation that comes your way this week. No matter what it is you are facing, there is something positive there. You may have to dig for it, but it is there.

Now go out and have “one of those days.” Make it amazing and awesome and one-of-a-kind. Make it one of those unforgettably, unbelievably incredible days!

Live Life,
Bert Oliva

Leave A Comment →
20
SEP
0
Bert Oliva

Commit Me!

by Bert Oliva

Ever have one of those days? I had a great Friday today. A day filled with excellent meetings that left me excited and ready for upcoming projects. And I ended it by spending time with close friends and playing some games. I even have an amazing Saturday planned, filled with breakfast plans and errands and fun things. I’ve been looking forward to my Saturday all day.

When I got home however, I discovered one of my family members is very ill. Not an emergency, but I have to take them to the doctor first thing tomorrow morning, which means my Saturday plans are now not possible. My family member’s illness of course takes precedence but I must admit I went through the normal gambit of human emotions: disappointment of the missed plans, resentment of the situation, justification of the situation, frustration and much more, till I finally just settled with it. It is what it is. I have a commitment to my family and that comes first.

Commitment is a big deal to me. I recently made a commitment to myself that I would write one blog post a day. Which is why I’m writing this at 2:58 in the morning. Just because situations and circumstances arise, there is no excuse to let your commitments slide. This is not because the people you’ve committed to will not understand your extenuating circumstances. This is for you. Subconsciously speaking, whenever you let yourself off the hook for something you’ve committed to, you begin to build a pattern of breaking commitments. You train your brain to not take commitments seriously, which makes making and keeping commitments that much harder.

Because of that, I am very careful with what I commit to; if I am not sure that I can fulfill something asked of me, I do not commit to it, but rather am honest, “I will do my best, but I can not guarantee I will be able to do it,” etc. This way I am honest with those around me and I am honest with myself. This builds trust with those close to you and trust within yourself. As you begin to become someone who fulfills their commitments, you will be surprised at how your confidence soars and how much better you feel about yourself overall.

So the next time you have one of those days where everything seems to be conspiring against you, take a moment to accept everything that is happening. And then get started on your commitments.

Live Life,
Bert Oliva

Leave A Comment →
19
SEP
0
Bert Oliva

Pushing It

by Bert Oliva

Tonight I went to an event at a spa and I met a lot of really great people. Believe it or not, prior to the event, I really did not feel like going. I’d had a tough day and I really just felt like calling it a day, but I had made a commitment so I followed through. And, as I said, it ended up being a really great time.

The people I met were fun and interesting. We laughed and joked and got to know each other. We made great connections and it should be the beginning of a long relationship. Heck, I even got a free facial! I came home smiling and happy that I went.

However, how many times do we miss out on fantastic opportunities because we don’t push ourselves? How many times do we let ourselves off the hook and just say “It doesn’t matter anyway. I’ll go next time”? Where we justify our choices by saying we’re too stressed, too tired, too overwhelmed? Where we just don’t push ourselves to go because we don’t feel like it?

I know I have at times. And when I’ve chosen not to push myself, I’m always left with “What if’s.” What if I had gone? What if I miss out on something great? What if I had met someone? What if…

Honestly, I don’t feel this way that often anymore because because I’ve learned that any invitation I take, there is always an opportunity there. It may be a business opportunity or an opportunity to meet new people or just an opportunity to have fun, but there is always an opportunity. So, on those moments when I’ve feeling overwhelmed and not up to going somewhere, I just remind myself of the opportunities I will miss if I don’t go.

We are all human and we all have our limits. There are times when we really need to take breaks and not push ourselves to the edge. But if this becomes our habit and our norm, then we are stuck in a vicious cycle that keeps us from growing and reaching our true potential. Remember, growth only happens outside of our comfort zones. That’s why it’s vital for us to keep pushing, especially when we are uncomfortable or “just don’t feel like it.” So, the next opportunity that arises, take it. Push yourself. I promise, you won’t regret the results.

Live Life,
Bert Oliva

Leave A Comment →
18
SEP
0
Page 14 of 36 «...101213141516...»