CHILD AT HEART
by Val Leichtman
I smooth my black pencil skirt down as I sit next to my boss in the backseat of a company car on our way to a client meeting. I run over the pitch in my head one more time while Bob checks his email on his phone. I’ve been working on this account for two months and this is my first shot at taking lead on a presentation. If I nail this, I have every shot of becoming a partner in the firm. I’d love to make partner before my 30th birthday.
I’m jostled out of my daydreaming by my phone ringing. Looking at the display, I sigh and click the answer button. I click the answer button and bring the phone to my ear, I transform. My lengths shorten, to where my ankles just stick out over the edge of the seat. My black pumps turn to black Mary Janes with white socks with lace around the edges. My suit turns into a frilly, blue seersucker dress and my long, straightened brown hair, is suddenly in two braided pigtails. I’m 10 years old as I say, “Hi, Mom.”
—
Tonight, someone very close to me brought up a very good point to me. I’ve always said that my family treats me like a little girl, but my friend pointed out that I act like little girl around my family. I’m not sure if anyone else has this problem, but I find it very difficult to stand up to my parents and say “No,” to anything. I’m terrified of disappointing them, so much so that I will often sacrifice my own happiness in order to please them. For instance, next week, I turn 29 and my mother recently called to invite me to a birthday party she had started planning for me. However, I have already made plans to go out of town with my friends over my birthday. Even though every fiber of my being wants to go on my planned trip, there’s this little 10-year-old voice in my head that keeps telling me I should cancel my trip and spend the day with my mother because she’ll be very disappointed.
I ended up putting on my “big girl” shoes and telling my mom the truth. She was very disappointed but we’re making plans to see each other another day. My little girl voice is still squeaking in the background, telling me how selfish I am, but my almost-30-year-old voice is beginning to drown her out.
JUN